“These jeans make my butt look too big, but this sweater makes me look pregnant…if I wore this top with this skirt…oh, but then I’d need different shoes…this is sexy, but do I really want to ‘give away the farm’?”
These and so many other questions are the reason women are often caught saying, ‘You guys have it so easy!’ Well, guys may not have it easy, but only a woman can understand what sort of agonizing struggle we go through to choose our date night clothes.
Whether it’s a girls’ night out, a ‘date’ with your estranged husband trying to rekindle some passion, or an eyes-wide-open blind date, the clothes we choose will have an impact on how we carry ourselves. For years I thought that spending so much time designating my ‘date’ clothes was petty and even somewhat shallow, until I realized just how much my choices were actually affecting my behavior.
Men would do well to learn just how important this daily Armageddon is for us, females. With the right ensemble a woman can feel utterly attractive and therefore, more uninhibited, more transparent, and less self-conscious. This, in turn, allows her to focus her attention on the activity at hand and the person with whom she is engaging. On the other side of that rusted coin, is self-loathing and self-pity, critical mirrors in every lavatory, and the whispers of many a word misspoken by brothers, fathers, ponytail pullers from school, and yes, even other women. (Sabotage is highly overrated, but is anything but a myth.) That’s a topic for another day.
So, the question remains, ‘how can I compete?’. How do I navigate through my black hole closet to find something that says everything I want to say, without magnifying the parts of me I wish were different? To my knowledge there is no one answer to that question, regardless of what some Redbook®, Cosmo®, or other trade magazine would like you to think. The reason there is no one answer is the best part, though. There is not one way to dress you, because you are unique and don’t come with a one-size-fits-all handbook.
Therefore, play to your strengths. Find out what it is that makes you stand out from among the rest and dress to showcase that amazing quality. Maybe you are deep and pensive. Choose a top that says studious, but pants or a skirt that scream for attention. Never underestimate the seduction of eye glasses; men have been falling for secretaries and receptionists since the turn of the twentieth century. If you’re outgoing and bubbly, don’t be afraid to try some fun colors, but remember to contrast those outrageous hues with some black, grey, or brown. As always, there is nothing wrong with classic black so long as it doesn’t consume your body like a polyester cocoon.
Don’t feel bound by the opinions of fashion magazines! Most of us do not fall into the emaciated model category, and we need to take back our femme image. Curves are hot and every guy knows it. Every woman, on the other hand, has been brainwashed into believing that saying we’re curvaceous is just our delusional way of hiding our fat and the way we really feel about it. If you’re Twiggy, skip the next paragraph.
Here’s the ticket: Don’t wear ‘tight’ all over; mix it up. If you have a slim-fitting top, then wear more loose bottoms and if you’ve squeezed into a pair of skinny jeans, then wear something on top that flows a little more. Sounds simple, but it’ll do you wonders. You’ll get noticed and it won’t be the kind of attention that states with disdain, ‘oh, that poor woman…no one that big should be wearing skinny anything!’ (Kiss of death) Get others looking at your best features, plain and simple.
If you can afford it, hire a stylist, but if you’re like the other 99.9% of us, take a visit to Nordstrom® and ask for the assistance of a personal shopper for an hour. Their job is to aid you in finding clothes that flatter you, specifically, and it doesn’t cost a thing! It can be a hit or a miss, but it’s worth a try to get an outsiders opinion.
Women have so many colors, styles, and cuts to choose from that we should be thrilled to have so many choices. For many of us, though, this actually makes the decision much more difficult. You can adopt the rule, ‘less is more’. Soft, simple hair that does not lay against your face, simple earth tones around the eyes and lips, a basic A-line skirt, and a top that allows just a sneak peek at your valuables, but doesn’t say, ‘that’ll be $100 for the whole night’.
Don’t feel overwhelmed by decisions; just stick to the decisions that make you feel creative and leave the rest to simplicity, such as basic jeans and a button-down top. The number of buttons you close are up to you, but you’re sending a message either way. Try on lots of jeans and don’t settle. Remember that even the same manufacturer, same cut, and same size pants can be misleading. All jeans are going to fit you differently, so try them on before you get home.
Lastly, don’t try to compete with Suzie-big-boobs, or Patty-perfect-hair; be yourself and be proud of what you have. If you don’t know what you have, then that is your first action point. Start noticing what others notice about you and when in doubt, ask them. You might feel silly at first, like throwing out a line hoping to catch a compliment, but do it anyway. You will undoubtedly be surprised at what you learn about yourself.
There is so much more to cover on this topic, but this article is already a novel. So…remember, you are beautiful–no matter what anyone else thinks. Tell that to the f–ing mirror every morning!
For a deeper look at this female clothing battle phenomenon, read Valerie Frankel’s Thin is the New Happy or her article in Self® magazine”Posing Nude to Love My Body”. This chick is every woman’s hero, even if she doesn’t know it yet. Ever since Smart vs. Pretty, she’s had her hook in me.
Originally printed as an editorial for the online publication Examiner.com
December 13, 2011
by Jamie Kristen
Leave a comment