Jamie Kristen

I know a lot of people struggle with this disorder (aka syndrome). I know most don’t understand it. I know that I am not the only person who feels this way. I hope my candor can bring you freedom. You are not alone.

*If you are struggling and/or having thoughts of suicide, please text or call 988*

I have PTSD. It sucks. It’s debilitating. It makes me feel ashamed and foolish.

I have PTSD. I feel afraid over what some people consider to be “nothing.” I am often belittled and my values and struggles are trivialized.

I have PTSD. An unkind word or an irritated voice can trigger terror in me that I cannot explain or evade.

I have PTSD. When a man raises his voice at me, the walls begin to close in on me and everything feels dark and hopeless.

I have PTSD. I choose not to be a home where shame can dwell.

I have PTSD. I do my best to keep to a routine and have my home and my lifestyle rigid to avoid falling into chaos, which leads to a feeling of being off-balance and disoriented. I wish people understood I am not a control-freak but I am trying desperately to manage the few things I can control.

I have PTSD. I am often misjudged by others who mistake my smile and my confidence as innate. They have no idea how much effort goes into getting out of bed every morning, getting dressed so I look better than I feel, and putting on a smile to make it through each and every hour of every day so others around me feel comfortable.

I have PTSD. No one knows the struggles inside my head and how I barely grasp reality for dear life at times.

I have PTSD. I go out of my way to see the best in others and help them feel good because no one should have to feel bad. I am cursed with empathy.

I have PTSD. I wish I could find a home where I feel safe and comforted. I wish I could find a man to love me who would never raise his voice at me but I know now that does not exist.

I have PTSD. I’m prepared to be alone the rest of my life because I won’t settle ever again for a man who can’t control his anger and blames me for his unhealthy behavior.

I envision a world in which people don’t assume the worst about others. I hope for a time when people think the best of each other and show empathy. I envision a world where no one ever feels like their life is not valuable.

*If you are struggling and/or having thoughts of suicide, please text or call 988*